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Brilliance
Tuesday, 16 April 2019 at April 16, 2019
31:40
...
Those times when you thought and felt everything was difficult and none is going the way you wanted.
...
I am a chatty box.
Sometimes I talk too much, that I myself don’t want to hear myself speak. Every time I speak and I get the attention I would stutter and be dreaming about “what’s going in their head”, “why is that flower in the vase not placed properly?”
There were times when I stop talking.
...
There were times I just stopped trying being someone I’m not or pleasing someone else and I feel much easier.
I got counselled. I felt it was nice just to be sitting there and speak and have someone on the other the seat listening all of my heart out.
...
“Perhaps, it was the brilliance, in some ways, coping with that brilliance and the effects of that brilliance, that drove the addiction.”
Don’t fall for February
Friday, 1 February 2019 at February 01, 2019
We all fall hard at some point in our lives.
I fell one too many times.
I am always going to be tough for the tough times.
I want to see myself at some peak in my life.
We all want that.
We all want hope.
We all want love.
We all want trust.
We all want that, what the world could give,
but I’m sad when we forget what we really need.
I’m one like the many,
but I don’t want to stop learning.
Don’t stop learning..
Thank you, but no thank you.
Monday, 31 December 2018 at December 31, 2018
“ My parents feel that, this is a waste of time
I tell them go away ‘cos everything is just fine
My friends all feel that I’m different around you
I tell them all that they are wrong because I love you.. “
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
It was all about how I loved you,
and then, I’m grateful.
You gave me the taste of ease and made me sit still.
Even with all the responsibility stacked on top of one another, I still want some peace.
Everything went so fast that I don’t even have to think.
It happened, not once, that I just stopped trying.
Fickleness was my bestfriend and I faked every smiling.
Pfft, I stopped crying then all I wanted was to fry my mind...
and also then, I told everyone everything was fine.
I battled the war within myself.
I struggled it all by myself.
I just wanted to lead the normal curve,
because I loved you that I didn’t recognise my own worth.
Now, I hated you.
I am still hating you.
Now that I hate you, everything seems to be much simpler.
Easier, with Him guiding me through, I’m much happier.
I pray that this going to be this way and better.
I love Him, I love myself and I want to love my future.
I want to think bright like the Sun and so cool like the ocean.
I want to do things I love and not be drowned with the motion.
I’ve been that person everyone loved.
I’ve been that person everyone hated.
This time, I am still the person you have known.
I am still the same person, just that I have grown.
I thank Him everyday for loving me at my worst.
Eyes wide open now and it’s not the first.
All you have done was make me look like a fool,
and it was because I loved you that I am grateful.
I’m thanking you, but no thank you.
Still around
Friday, 19 October 2018 at October 19, 2018
I will be back in November. ☺️
Ku Kesali
Friday, 25 August 2017 at August 25, 2017
Di manakah kan ku cari
Rasa rindu bersamamu
Tak akan mungkin memori akan kembali lagi
Bicaramu, ku hayati
Senyumanmu, ku ingati
Kini tiada guna ku tangisi
Rasa kesal bergelora
Rasa sepi tak berperi
Hanya tinggal kenangan denganmu
Ku tak peduli
Budimu tidak ku hargai
Sangsi ku ragui di hati
Nyata kini ku rasa sepi
Kau telah tiada
Pergimu tanpa sebarang pesan
Prasangka ku kini berakhir
Ku berdosa kerana tidak mencintaimu
Kehilangan itulah yang ku rasakan
Hanyalah doaku
Kau tenang di sana
Doaku
Kau tenang di sana
Kau tenang di sana
It takes more...
Thursday, 1 June 2017 at June 01, 2017
A week of silence
Weeks of confidence
We didn't say Hi to each other
and I feel that we haven't grown fonder
I refrained from asking you,
I refrained from being me
I don't know what's going on with you
I don't know what's happening.
It takes two to tango
It takes more to be amused
If you're saying that I'm not letting it go,
It seems like, what's more to be enthused?
It takes more to amuse,
It takes more to confuse,
They've got it all too
But what mattered is just,
The avoiding, and adding the real shit that's happening to us.
What are we?
Tuesday, 23 May 2017 at May 23, 2017
We see each other in the day
We saw each other every other night
My very first word to you was "Hey!"
Isit just me thinking about our mights?
Don't know if I should be glad that you're being honest,
Or should I be cautious to decide that this is the safest?
I was so into you that I risked my wellness
Then, I was the dimwit who was so careless
I don't think I was happy you being honest
I was even mad that you were faking it all
If what you meant to me, was the leeches...
I got it at the very beginning before we started it all
Introductions are no more like before
What is more surprising is that I endured
The question is
Whom are you falling for?
Ultimately,
What do you take me for?
Drew Barrymore
Saturday, 8 April 2017 at April 08, 2017
Why is it so hard to accept the party is over?
You came with your new friends
And her mom jeans and her new Vans
And she's perfect and I hate it, oh so glad you made it
I'm so glad you could come by
Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the blunt
Let's start the Narcos off at episode one
Bring the gin, got the juice
Bring the sin, got that too
Whoa, just shut up, know you're my favorite
Am I...
Warm enough for ya outside baby?
Is it warm enough for ya inside me?
Warm enough for ya outside baby...
Warm enough outside, inside me...
I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapy-y-y-y
I'm sorry I'm not more attractive
I'm sorry I'm not more ladylike
I'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night
I'm sorry I'm not your baby mama
I'm sorry you got karma comin' to you
Collect and soak in it right
Sorry, I just need to see you
I'm sorry I'm so clingy I don't mean to be a lot
Do you really wanna love me down like you say you do?
Give it to me like you say you do?
Cause it's hard enough you got to treat me like this
Lonely enough to let you treat me like this
Do you really love me
Or just wanna love me down?
Am I, Warm enough for ya outside baby?
Is it warm enough for ya inside me?
Warm enough for ya outside baby...
Warm enough outside, inside me...
Should've Been Me
Monday, 6 February 2017 at February 06, 2017
I needed a little space
Honest, thought that you'd stay waiting
I made my last mistake
You're happy and I hate it
Well, this was that, it seems
Cos you don't think of me often
How could I let you leave me?
Well, it's too late to stop you
And now I know that I spoke too soon
Seeing how fast you made moves
I want you so bad,
I want you back, but you're gone
All on my own I miss you
I know it's too late, can't handle the truth
I want you so bad,
I need you back, but you're gone
It should have been me all along
It should have been me everytime I closed my eyes
Yeah I can see, those times where I used to be
Well, oh God, it should have been me all along
Goodbye Sweet '16
Sunday, 1 January 2017 at January 01, 2017
20... 16...
It was bitter.
It was sad.
It was unhappy.
There were smiles.
There were frowns.
There were lies,
weighing 20/16 pounds.
1.25 pounds,
They were the ups and downs.
0.25, were the mistakes made,
1, was the lesson learnt to date.
I wasn't happy.
I wasn't sad.
I was just confused to the extent that it turned out bad.
The pain.
The heartbreak.
The embarrassment.
The mental ached.
Years and years,
I took 3 years?
3 years of self-destruction?
3 years of tears filled?
3 years of painful journey,
which I thought I got over with?
Reminded myself, I'm not 16, that teenage life is just ahead of me.
Time is ticking and it's ticking so quickly.
Make memories better than yesterday,
make all of it and future the best it could possibly be.
🙂
What we did is personal.
Tuesday, 18 October 2016 at October 18, 2016
No I'm not a liar
Just didn't know how to tell you the truth
All we need is time
We don't know why we do what we do
On a night like this, just don't know what I'm trying to prove
No it can't predict, the reasons why we do what we do
Yeah we do, what we do
When you fall in love, you can't help it when you act like a fool
When you look above, you see the reasons why we do what we do
Yeah we do, what we do
Now I'm wondering, they can tell that I've been crying all night
Cause I told myself I don't love you though I know it's a lie, cause I do
When you fall in love, you can't help it when you act like a fool
When you look above, you see the reasons why we do what we do
Ain't got a shot glass in my fist
Just spilling away all my business
Telling these strangers about you
I'm getting too personal with you
You've been running through my mind all day
Hear me out now, hear me baby
Cellophane
Monday, 17 October 2016 at October 17, 2016
140716
That night,
It is still bright in my mind.
Tortured and marred like one kind.
I am not forgiving and giving fucks of mine.
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
Look at me, I'm such a basket case
Delivered to you wrapped in cellophane
Waiting on your doorstep every day
Delivery, a basket filled with pain
Patience is your virtue, saint o’ mine
I’d have fallen through the cracks, without your love tonight
I’m your groundhog and I’m skating on thin ice
But you see me at your feet and carry me inside
Look at me I'm such a basket case
While I fall apart, you'll hide all my pills again
And all the things I need to hear you say
You’ll watch as all my thoughts get right back on the train
Can’t you see I’m wrapped in cellophane
Watch the blood pump through my veins
Electricity floods my brain
Can’t hide the pain, can’t hide the pain
When you’re wrapped in cellophane
Labels: #exactlyhowIfeel #fuckyouandyourmotherfuckinglife, #iknowyoutoo, #youknowimatrouble, Cellophane
Who You Are
Monday, 5 September 2016 at September 05, 2016
I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart
Tears don't mean your losing, everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould
The more I try, the less it's working
Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like woah
Just go and leave me alone
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight
With a smile, that's my home
That's my home, That's my own
A Dead Beat
Thursday, 25 August 2016 at August 25, 2016
I'm a dead beat now.
Work has been a week and now.
A work and rest day not like one now,
instead an exhausting one, like how?
Like I said I am too tired to entertain bullocks now,
Punchlines are no more like the punches, pow!
Done with those telepathic minds now?
Please stand, I will clap and you take a bow now!
Happy Birthday Mama
Wednesday, 17 August 2016 at August 17, 2016
The strongest lady I have ever known in my lifetime. August 16th was her birthday but I did wish personally yesterday! This post is one that I am keeping it for my own reference, not as to show my unconditional love for her publicly, or so to say, showing off.
She is not my idol. Neither is Amy. This lady here is my mother, the closest friend and a great teacher. Not forgetting my father too, hehehe, more on the pragmatic side. :) They add together and become me.
She fought through the hardships all alone when my father was absent for those few years, provided me all that I wanted and needed but I was still being a delinquent. I was on the right track during high school and after then, I suddenly steered off the road, so far away from civilisation, that brought me a lifetime full of regrets.
Everytime I felt alone, she knows. Everytime I feel sad and in a difficult situation, she knows, but she still let me go, cos she wants me to grow up and open my eyes to the real world. She wanted me to make the decisions all on my own. Sometimes, I heed her advices, sometimes I don't, and when I didn't, I fell deep into the ocean, I couldn't even float.
She told me once, "When a person is successful or triumphant, in this case, he/she would forget about the world; about the people who were there for them when they're in need. Never come running to me whenever you're in need again cos you have already forgotten where you came from..."
I am not that person but I came back crying to her. I am done and I don't want to break my parents' heart again.
Now, I am proudly happy that I am back on the right track and will forever be cos I am never going back again.
Just my loved ones and I, cos I only have them.
Selamat Hari Jadi Mama, semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki dan selalu di samping orang-orang tersayang!
#tobeabetterson #tobeabetterbrother #tobeabetterperson #August16th #nevertoolate #strongestladyIhaveeverknown
What's your story like?
Friday, 12 August 2016 at August 12, 2016
What's my story like?
You don't really have to care
Cos all of the bona fides
Aren't here to make you feel scared
Every day and every night
You need to say a little prayer
Cos some rodents and some naughty mites
Bite you out of the invisible air
Lauryn sings "Respect is just a minimum..."
My brother switched for spurs and saddles
This lady who cover hers is around spreading bread & butter
No one actually sense that faint presentiment
I wish we had never met
No point to think and regret
I can't pull this memory outta my head
Can I turn back time and your big head?
In the darkness, we will stand
I miss me, you and our mights
What are you doing now, man?
Well, what is your story like?
Shutting down
Tuesday, 2 August 2016 at August 02, 2016
Cont.
"Rodent Reduction"
That was on my mind.
Something that I am doing to shut it all down
and get rid of them in the meantime.
I get cheated.
I ain't trusting.
Clearly, I have trust issues here,
and all these shit ain't gon' be coming.
I'm done smoking and drinking, shy, cry and crying.
Pulling up in Chrysler 300 with its convertible.
I missed myself, coming around, thought I have stopped crying,
I told them all some things can get really personal.
Possibly, my tears dried up and then I got cheated.
I'm done with fakers, same for two faces.
Probably, I am keeping it all documented,
I ain't got time for some places and faces.
I'm too tired to entertain such shit,
Some are still trying and trying.
You know, I heard my teacher was saying something,
She said your bestfriend is your biggest enemy.
I have doubts.
I don't do pouts.
I climb these steps on my own,
so I can see the view from the top!
Checked and out!
😏
Who's Mufasa? Me!
Sunday, 31 July 2016 at July 31, 2016
2.
3.
4.
I don't wanna tell them again
I think you had this idea the weak was on par
But I'm in a higher tier, you're not in my class
If you wanna take it there then we can go fast
Got myself a rocket then I have a blast
Oh my gosh, skippy flows
That kind of have you on your tippy toes
That kind that makes you wanna let your whole city know
Punchlines even with a drippy nose
Labels: Mufasa by Nadia Rose. #Mufasa #NadiaRose
The Rodent Reduction
Thursday, 28 July 2016 at July 28, 2016
I came across the term 'Rodent Reduction' today.
It came just at about the right time for me to name what it is going on with my life now.
That is, I am doing a rodent reduction.
It has been really rough for me, all these years and earlier this year.
It has fucked me up and down and sideways.
What I thought was it is all something for me to learn...
but it turned out like one accident after another on the motorway.
When you've got the authority fucking you up just like a rabbit,
that is probably the best idea to fuck back with the authority.
Too hard to even understand that no one exactly understood the whole shit, that probably it was me on the social media cruising my boat for the life I would be seeking.
It could be me and it could be possible that it's not me. Give you the benefit of doubts you need.
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
5 4 5 4 5 4 5 4 5
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
This is for once and for all.
I am just happy to say that I am way, way, way happier now and may I take a bow...
I am proud to say that I am happy now!
☺
The Fool I was talking to
Wednesday, 13 July 2016 at July 13, 2016
Some things need to get through and some things don't need to,
A word doesn't describe my relationship status with you.
Acquantaince, colleague, friend, bestfriend, babe or baby,
I give my love equally and exceptionally, different to my deity and family.
"Imma forgive, I never forget but Imma dead the issue..."
How do I get to know about it you don't have a clue...
You played so well, too easy, well, why not I play it along with you,
You blocked, put a stop, now probably you are the certified fool.
I have my limits.
If you test it, you gon be tasting it!
Labels: Pills and Potions by Nicki Minaj. #PillsAndPotions #NickiMinaj
I am me once more
Sunday, 26 June 2016 at June 26, 2016
No, I really don't think so
That you think I'd be capable of being on my own
No, I really don't think so
That I would for a second let you back in through my door
I have spent many nights
Even when, you were by my side
I shed tears I couldn't dry
I shed tears I couldn't dry
But I should thank you for
Taking my blindfold off
Now I ain't jaded no more, no more
And I take pride to be the one that say goodbye
That could only mean
I am me once more
You would turn your head the other way
So you won't have to listen to what I had to say
You assume that I needed you
But you didn't realise that
I needed no one but myself
I needed no one but myself
But I should thank you for
Taking my blindfold off
Now I ain't jaded no more, no more
And I take pride to be the one that say goodbye
That could only mean
I am me once more
Labels: I Am Me Once More by Zee Avi. #ZeeAvi
Be considerate to consideration.
Tuesday, 14 June 2016 at June 14, 2016
Let me cover your shit in glitter
I could make it gold
... ... Baby,
Word on the street, you run it low lately
I needed you to please give my reflection a break
From the face it's seeing now
Darling, would you mind giving my reflection a break from the pain it's feeling now?
When I look outside my window
I can't get no piece of mind
I got to do things my own way darling
You should just let me
Will you ever respect me?
No.
Do things my own way darling
You should just let me
Why you ain't ever let me grow?
Labels: Consideration by Rihanna and SZA. #Riri #SZA
Some people think they're just too good
Saturday, 4 June 2016 at June 04, 2016
"Some guys have all the luck
Some guys get all the breaks..."
- Rod Stewart
I don't "dress" to impress.
I don't test then make a mess.
If you think I dress to impress,
You are messing with the wrong kind of mess.
I am no good enough,
Always have been cos I'm not perfect.
If you think you're good enough,
That's the keyword you need to reflect.
If your motive is to let the world know,
Well, you really have done a poor job.
If your intentions are to make me flop,
You better prepare before you drop.
Start thinking about what you thought,
Good enough? Well, then take my spot!
😏
Climbing up the stairs as slow as I can
Monday, 16 May 2016 at May 16, 2016
No more sadness
No more tears
Ran out of liquid to tear
For the bear who perspires
From the forest of the hills
You can get four or tons of pills
I have four at the moment
And nothing more I would need
Every time Sun shines
I see the light to keep on moving
Even when there is no Sun
I see the light still coming towards me
I get tired like a normal human
And I am an ordinary human
It gets harder if negative issues are on your mind
Harder than the Rock that is frying your Lime
I live better now.
I could be happier now.
But I can't believe you sent me those emojis
And you're sending me to Tears now.
Fry the Brain, Fry the Day
Friday, 8 April 2016 at April 08, 2016
Everyday I thank the Almighty for giving me the chance to stay, to see another day
Even though I am still running around, not believing, no trust, I'm still frying the brain
I cheated myself again and again
None of us could see it at the end of the day
I cheated myself twice for the fate
If I don't see a day, let alone a date
Ninnyhammer
Saturday, 2 April 2016 at April 02, 2016
I was still in the line when you cut in and be part of the queue
I had forgotten that you are still referring me as the fool
I knew as quite
And quiet to lie
Cos I was sleeping with the jokers
I tried and tried
Too tired to try
As I am overshadowing the rulers
They said they know what it is called so far and as of now
You told me that now we are not a match and I fouled
Cold to think
Too cold to feel me out
Hot as hell
The hell? you're trying to figure out
Fears formed from faggots
Saturday, 19 March 2016 at March 19, 2016
How to start saying Hi to you?
How do I look fine to you?
You there? How are you doing?
How can I feel the same again
without me pretending someone I used to be?
My fears eat me up like Vultures waiting to make a sin
My guts are even smaller than it was used to be
What kind of devotion you are looking at and searching?
My love for queer teachings are no more on the same pitch
I get tensed and all stressed up when I fail
I feel everyday I am old and frail
I have these feelings I heard rumours and voices
I would be straining, thinking how do I text the addresses
I think alot like no one would do
I would be thinking about what should I do
I strive harder everyday to be so nice to people
But, they're telling me not to do things for these people
I should have listened and heed their advices
Cos they're the only ones who could see my sacrifices
Still the lost imp
Tuesday, 15 March 2016 at March 15, 2016
Hey and I am back again.
Feel refreshed but still itching in some senses.
Feeling invigorated to some, not menses.
"I am all good and great!" those were some of my answers.
It is genuine from my heart but fake to some people.
I still keep doing what I'm doing, but in mind, getting it all back again and gather together.
I am sober and highly anticipated.
I am still the lost imp in the universe.
Invigorated but itching
Thursday, 10 March 2016 at March 10, 2016
Been away
I'm back to life one or two ways
I could go on and on about myself
I can leave the premises by out of the gates
I miss the person I was
every now and then
I wasn't in a good frame
Neither was I a great pretend
Like on an Airplane
Everything is pressurized
Sometimes, I would stare in blank spaces
and it will all be mesmerized
Funny to think that I won't be going back to that track
Even funnier if we are spending on the black track
What could go wrong if I am on the mend?
There is that one bit in my mind that says it will be a crack
I don't like to be compared to some other person
I don't like my moves to be watched and judged
You think you're so good for some reason
I don't do things you do, I just do mine
I am fucking aware of what's happening around me
I am even vigilant when you're whispering
Maybe you should learn to say it to my face
I am not like you, going around and put on a face
Possibly, time is running out to be cool
I don't act to be cool cos I have my time
Cos' I didn't learn what you did in school
Importantly, I'm not like you, I don't mime
Some pain is a no gain
Wednesday, 10 February 2016 at February 10, 2016
I am the pain when I get the pain
I feel the pain when I am the pain
What is the same thing about this is that
I am in the masquerade party
I am the pain when I get the pain
I feel the pain, again and again
What is the same thing about this is that
I am one of the fallen enemy
Not the same pain, no gain
Miss the old pain, regrets in vain
When you are indecisive and in guilt,
Some pain that you need shouldn't be needed.
16 days till I am a bird set free
Bird Set Free
Tuesday, 2 February 2016 at February 02, 2016
But there's a scream inside that we all try to hide
We hold on so tight, we cannot deny
Eats us alive, oh it eats us alive
Yes, there's a scream inside that we all try to hide
We hold on so tight, but I don't wanna die, no
I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die
Labels: Bird Set Free by Sia. #Sia #ThisIsActing
The End
Sunday, 3 January 2016 at January 03, 2016
There was a time when I thought I couldn't live without you
You were my truth in those days, you were the only one I knew
You were my heart and my soul, I gave my all to you
You had been weak in my mind, I knew that was true
Do you still feel the same when I call?
Do you give a damn if I fall?
Do you still believe in our world,
still believe in our love?
It's so easy to play, so easy to say
I wish I knew how to pretend
So when we meet again
We'll be best of friends
Got a feeling that this is the end
Now this is the end
Labels: The End by Franky Rizardo and Tess Leah. #FrankyRizardo #TessLeah # TheEnd
Irenic
Tuesday, 22 December 2015 at December 22, 2015
Emancipate yourself
Brace it all yourself
Don't care about anybody else
Take shelter for yourself
I am happier now and you know that
Full gear now but I almost fall back
I occupy myself with work and work
I'm not happier yet and you know that
I've always wanted to be happy with you
But all I would say is "How could you?"
We would be looking for us when we need
I would think, "How ironic?"
You would say, "This is just irenic..."
Jealous
Wednesday, 16 December 2015 at December 16, 2015
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back
Tell me, all you found was heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say
I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
Labels: Jealous by Labrinth. #Jealous # Labrinth
Good to know when you know you're a no good
Monday, 14 December 2015 at December 14, 2015
We cry when we get lonely, 'fore there is no happiness
We're stressed out for other people for no good reason
We'll be friends when we share our tears with our acquaintance
Just like how life is uncertain
Never expect the best out of a person
We are human with flaws
With claws to fight the war
To leave and surrender is a little too soon
But why you're so good when you're a no good
I've seen too many spills
I take four pills to keep it going
For whatever the reason for you not to know
All the reasons are here in case if you need
I don't go to parties, like secret kind of parties
I don't support the triangular kind of meetings
I just live to live, I don't live to please
I live for my Almighty, friends and family
Take those morphines later in the night
Wake up in the morning like you had a fight
Feeling like you've been beaten up, but keep this in mind
That you're the beast and you're looking all fine
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
I am not here for people to like or to hate me
I live for my own, on my own, for little bit of me
Do stay, I pray, every night and day for our well-being
I live by these words though I know it takes time and it still ticking
A little thrill that doesn't fill
Wednesday, 2 December 2015 at December 02, 2015
Hey Baja, how's it goin?
I said Hi to you
Just got to know you're not playing
While I'm on an adventure around the world
You're not there, you were sleeping
I have embarked on this new journey
Whether for the worst or seriously
I will not be looking back and steer
What kind of thrill do you get out of it?
Is it the thriller scene or Friday the 13th?
I have put it away, not looking at it
You start to creep when the city starts to sleep
There is no thrill in whatever that you think
It is the thrill that you get out of it
The thrill, I wouldn't be cutting my wrists
They're not thrills, they are tiredness
I Was Young
Thursday, 29 October 2015 at October 29, 2015
I was so young
When you left me
I was so young
When you came for me
I was the boy
You pledged and you preached
I was the boy
You thought I was him
We decided on the neg-activities
Before soliciting in all of the cities
We were forawhile when we were one
We were collecting our sins
You run away with me
You took my hands promised me it will all be okay
I ran away with you
Didn't think that we live again to see another day
We ran away together
Not like forever, the ones you like or love will stay
Leaving whenever I need to leave
I will live for as old as I want to be
You can time my lifetime with your lies
Cos my destiny is in the hands of the Almighty
I don't owe you a cent, I don't have to pay
You can keep all of your money, I won't listen to what you say
I won't teach the bitch on how to take your crown
Cos I don't give a fuck about bowing down
I've seen the richest
I have seen the life of the poorest
Go ahead if you think you're through
I repeat, I don't bow to a barghest like you
You thought for who was hung
I thought me, I was young
I am not the friend in need
Monday, 5 October 2015 at October 05, 2015
I left you
I left all of our memories
Soon as I walked out of the gates
You did not stop me
Remember those times when we were hating
They were jealous, they were talking
I told myself I would never do it again
But it keeps coming and haunting me
What is left here right here with me
Nothing but all the regrets, itching
You left me
You led our memories in
Before you saved me, I was in liquid state
I did all the things
Forever those times will be with me
It churns all of my guts and naivety
You told me once before I should open my eyes
Look and turn 360 and start picking
What had happened was a blessing in disguise
Why you, the devil that I believed in?
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
Yesterday's news is today's Fish and Chips'
The Chips are fried and they are in deep
The Fish is waiting and the man is dreaming
The man is me, I am not a friend indeed.
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
:((
Can I just tell you how we met, again?
Monday, 28 September 2015 at September 28, 2015
How did we meet again? I am just talking about you
I am talking about you, me and us
Well, we were blazing like the Sun
I got you, brought you all that you needed
Are you really going to ask for another feed?
What's the point if u're already hooked by another lady?
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
'A Fly' is ur name,
random games and messages, and you're tamed.
What were the house rules you made?
They weren't the same as what you played.
Fly, you're leaving before the two jerks came in
I was in the corner, thinking and contemplating
Markussy stroked his with just one hand,
and he got his game on the other handy.
I am standing here on the parapet
You screaming behind me, "Baby, are you sure?"
"Baby, my life is complicated"
Don't you complicate it anymore
Please scream till the cow comes home,
Please leave me here all alone.
Crisps of the lies a little too far,
Phone other planets in the solar system
A little talk, too much of it is Bipolar,
You can put me out for a post-mortem.
You want to know what I've been through,
You want to know what lives through,
You want to know what is true,
Do you want to know what is Blue?
Pulling up my socks, I'm telling them I quit
Well, all I did was I told them lies,
But when I did all that I did,
They think I fuck around behind those smiles.
They see it all lies, some have gone too far
I've cheated others and I've been cheated on,
I have cheated myself, marred from the scars
No time for us to think, we just move along.
Some people think it is just about you and me
Some others would feel it uncomfortably,
Several others are still thinking and thinking
At the end of the day, you can still kill me.
This is not any other song's lyrics,
but this is just something for real.
Please scream till the cow comes home
Please leave me here all alone
If you think of me uncomfortably,
please feel free to kill me.
How did we meet?
Wednesday, 23 September 2015 at September 23, 2015
Since I've come on home, well, my body's been a mess
And I've missed your Ginger hair and the way you like to dress
..... ... ..... ... ..... ... ..... ... .....
How we met? I'm talking about two of you
I am talking about you, me and us
And we were blazing like the Sun
I got you, brought you all that you needed
By the time, you wanted another feed
I was hooked with another type of lady
I Will Wake Up Again
Sunday, 20 September 2015 at September 20, 2015
I'm tired of your messages
I think I died on Saturday
You eat Salads, I ate Sausages
We get near not cos we're gay
You need to know what you're having
What diet you're on, what is that?
I've told you mine, million dollar man
I don't need too much, what's it Dad?
Maybe you need another man
Certainly, not me, man
Maybe you need a joy for awhile
Well, hey, it is not me, man
How did we meet, A Fly, that's your name?
We went downstairs, I drank Milk, you had eggs
Your story is on the other chapter
I will type it out once I wake up again
You're trying too hard to cry
Saturday, 29 August 2015 at August 29, 2015
I did it all for you
This is what I get from you?
You can cry till you cry blood out
Can you sit still or need your mouth shut?
I don't have to tell what is next for us
Cos you only want the time to pass fast!
You think you are my J?
Sunday, 23 August 2015 at August 23, 2015
J a-p-a-n, Japan
That's where in the world I would go
J a-p-a-n, Japan
That's where I would point my little bow
You're the accomplice, you tried too hard
to run and you chased for the trash
You know the police is chasing you from the part you started cleaning up the mess
You run away to J-a-p-a-n,
What for, why for, you run to J-a-p-a-n?
J is your name, and that is your game?
I only played what's free in the box and then I would win for a game,
Well, Lee is my name and I have long, like a train, and then you dumped me so easily for a change?
You can start to feel free...
to run away to J-a-p-a-n,
What for, fuck you for the time to J-a-p-a-n
Start to feel dizzy from the Diddy
You put in and drink up like a man...
Stop and feel free, throw up all the shit
Feel like one, like you're back on the mend
Another One Bites The Dust
Sunday, 14 June 2015 at June 14, 2015
And I will stay up through the night
Let's be clear, won't close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I'll walk through fire to save my life
And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It's hard to lose a chosen one Labels: Elastic Heart by Sia. #ElasticHeart #Sia #1000FormsOfFear
Straight For The Knife
Thursday, 11 June 2015 at June 11, 2015
Put on my best dress, I wanted to impress
I put a little makeup on
Put a bow in my hair, wore pretty underwear
Hoping you might take it off
Don’t know your etiquette but
I’m strapped to my chair, and it ain’t cuz you're pretty
You were charming, until
You saw your chance to kill, your chance to make history
You went straight for the knife
And I prepared to die, your blade, it shines
Looked me straight in the eye
You turned the gas on high
Held the flame alight
You wonder why I'm scared of fire
You wonder why you make girls cry
My mascara a mess, harsh words for your princess
Boy, you and your promises
If your goal was to love, you scored an epic miss
Now you'll just have memories
Boy, you draw me back in
Hungry for your bad loving
But will someone find me swinging from the rafters
From hanging on your every word
You wonder why you make girls cry
From Me, Two and All.
Saturday, 2 May 2015 at May 02, 2015
People write songs not for the trouble and all of the tragedies..
People write for whatever they like then it all come as memories.
One like two of us might be far from our own enemies..
One or rather the two of us missed each other's kisses.
I am tired from all the questions for a little short, not long..
I won't be seeing you, I would be loving you just like a love song.
We are the People; you decide...
Tuesday, 28 April 2015 at April 28, 2015
People write songs not for the trouble and all of the tragedies...
People write whatever they like then it all come as memories...
Thank you.
Tuesday, 10 March 2015 at March 10, 2015
"Thank you. Whether or not, are we happy with our lives now, I think we should still keep living it. I dont know whether I am happy or not, but I definitely felt relieved forawhile because for that moment, I made the choice. Too little though not too late, too much torment and that caused pain.
Ive said too many sorries. I definitely need not explain the situation. Please start to feel free to leave me alone.
I wish you all the best, mate."
😕
☺
Stars in my eyes
Monday, 9 March 2015 at March 09, 2015
I just miss me. :(
I miss myself.
I told myself I'm done and done but nope, I am still around.
I don't understand the fate behind these,
I don't see why the change is not drastic.
How am I not angry at myself?
What can you offer to help?
I hate when I am making hasty decisions, I hate it even more when there's pressure.
I will run my world like I have always did, ruining you and me into the world's deepest pit.
I hate you,
I hate me.
I don't miss you,
I miss me.
:(
Daddy
Tuesday, 18 November 2014 at November 18, 2014
He's out your system, yeah it took you a while
You got your family back and you got your smile
And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again
But friends keep telling you what he did last night
How many girls he kissed, how many he liked
And you try to remember that there's no way you could ever be friends
But now,
You're looking like you really like him, like him
And now you're feeling like you miss him, miss him
You're speaking like you really love him, love him
And now you're dancing like you need him, need him
Put it in your pocket, don't tell anyone I gave ya
It will be the one you run to, the one that saves ya
It could be your daddy daddy, if you take it gladly gladly
Daddy daddy
He kissed you on the lips and opened your eyes
You had to catch your breath, got such a surprise
And you almost forgot how it feels to live in his lie
He pulled you closer, said he'll never let go
You couldn't trust him, but you never said no
In that moment he made you forget how it feels when he's gone
Daddy daddy
(°°, )
Labels: Daddy by Emeli Sande. #Daddy #EmeliSande
\\ Lee
Ronson
Hi! I think alot. I can talk alot.
I can be silent for a long period of time.
\\ Facebook
\\ Instagram
Brilliance
Tuesday, 16 April 2019 at April 16, 2019
31:40
...
Those times when you thought and felt everything was difficult and none is going the way you wanted.
...
I am a chatty box.
Sometimes I talk too much, that I myself don’t want to hear myself speak. Every time I speak and I get the attention I would stutter and be dreaming about “what’s going in their head”, “why is that flower in the vase not placed properly?”
There were times when I stop talking.
...
There were times I just stopped trying being someone I’m not or pleasing someone else and I feel much easier.
I got counselled. I felt it was nice just to be sitting there and speak and have someone on the other the seat listening all of my heart out.
...
“Perhaps, it was the brilliance, in some ways, coping with that brilliance and the effects of that brilliance, that drove the addiction.”
Don’t fall for February
Friday, 1 February 2019 at February 01, 2019
We all fall hard at some point in our lives.
I fell one too many times.
I am always going to be tough for the tough times.
I want to see myself at some peak in my life.
We all want that.
We all want hope.
We all want love.
We all want trust.
We all want that, what the world could give,
but I’m sad when we forget what we really need.
I’m one like the many,
but I don’t want to stop learning.
Don’t stop learning..
Thank you, but no thank you.
Monday, 31 December 2018 at December 31, 2018
“ My parents feel that, this is a waste of time
I tell them go away ‘cos everything is just fine
My friends all feel that I’m different around you
I tell them all that they are wrong because I love you.. “
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
It was all about how I loved you,
and then, I’m grateful.
You gave me the taste of ease and made me sit still.
Even with all the responsibility stacked on top of one another, I still want some peace.
Everything went so fast that I don’t even have to think.
It happened, not once, that I just stopped trying.
Fickleness was my bestfriend and I faked every smiling.
Pfft, I stopped crying then all I wanted was to fry my mind...
and also then, I told everyone everything was fine.
I battled the war within myself.
I struggled it all by myself.
I just wanted to lead the normal curve,
because I loved you that I didn’t recognise my own worth.
Now, I hated you.
I am still hating you.
Now that I hate you, everything seems to be much simpler.
Easier, with Him guiding me through, I’m much happier.
I pray that this going to be this way and better.
I love Him, I love myself and I want to love my future.
I want to think bright like the Sun and so cool like the ocean.
I want to do things I love and not be drowned with the motion.
I’ve been that person everyone loved.
I’ve been that person everyone hated.
This time, I am still the person you have known.
I am still the same person, just that I have grown.
I thank Him everyday for loving me at my worst.
Eyes wide open now and it’s not the first.
All you have done was make me look like a fool,
and it was because I loved you that I am grateful.
I’m thanking you, but no thank you.
Still around
Friday, 19 October 2018 at October 19, 2018
I will be back in November. ☺️
Ku Kesali
Friday, 25 August 2017 at August 25, 2017
Di manakah kan ku cari
Rasa rindu bersamamu
Tak akan mungkin memori akan kembali lagi
Bicaramu, ku hayati
Senyumanmu, ku ingati
Kini tiada guna ku tangisi
Rasa kesal bergelora
Rasa sepi tak berperi
Hanya tinggal kenangan denganmu
Ku tak peduli
Budimu tidak ku hargai
Sangsi ku ragui di hati
Nyata kini ku rasa sepi
Kau telah tiada
Pergimu tanpa sebarang pesan
Prasangka ku kini berakhir
Ku berdosa kerana tidak mencintaimu
Kehilangan itulah yang ku rasakan
Hanyalah doaku
Kau tenang di sana
Doaku
Kau tenang di sana
Kau tenang di sana
It takes more...
Thursday, 1 June 2017 at June 01, 2017
A week of silence
Weeks of confidence
We didn't say Hi to each other
and I feel that we haven't grown fonder
I refrained from asking you,
I refrained from being me
I don't know what's going on with you
I don't know what's happening.
It takes two to tango
It takes more to be amused
If you're saying that I'm not letting it go,
It seems like, what's more to be enthused?
It takes more to amuse,
It takes more to confuse,
They've got it all too
But what mattered is just,
The avoiding, and adding the real shit that's happening to us.
What are we?
Tuesday, 23 May 2017 at May 23, 2017
We see each other in the day
We saw each other every other night
My very first word to you was "Hey!"
Isit just me thinking about our mights?
Don't know if I should be glad that you're being honest,
Or should I be cautious to decide that this is the safest?
I was so into you that I risked my wellness
Then, I was the dimwit who was so careless
I don't think I was happy you being honest
I was even mad that you were faking it all
If what you meant to me, was the leeches...
I got it at the very beginning before we started it all
Introductions are no more like before
What is more surprising is that I endured
The question is
Whom are you falling for?
Ultimately,
What do you take me for?
Drew Barrymore
Saturday, 8 April 2017 at April 08, 2017
Why is it so hard to accept the party is over?
You came with your new friends
And her mom jeans and her new Vans
And she's perfect and I hate it, oh so glad you made it
I'm so glad you could come by
Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the blunt
Let's start the Narcos off at episode one
Bring the gin, got the juice
Bring the sin, got that too
Whoa, just shut up, know you're my favorite
Am I...
Warm enough for ya outside baby?
Is it warm enough for ya inside me?
Warm enough for ya outside baby...
Warm enough outside, inside me...
I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapy-y-y-y
I'm sorry I'm not more attractive
I'm sorry I'm not more ladylike
I'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night
I'm sorry I'm not your baby mama
I'm sorry you got karma comin' to you
Collect and soak in it right
Sorry, I just need to see you
I'm sorry I'm so clingy I don't mean to be a lot
Do you really wanna love me down like you say you do?
Give it to me like you say you do?
Cause it's hard enough you got to treat me like this
Lonely enough to let you treat me like this
Do you really love me
Or just wanna love me down?
Am I, Warm enough for ya outside baby?
Is it warm enough for ya inside me?
Warm enough for ya outside baby...
Warm enough outside, inside me...
Should've Been Me
Monday, 6 February 2017 at February 06, 2017
I needed a little space
Honest, thought that you'd stay waiting
I made my last mistake
You're happy and I hate it
Well, this was that, it seems
Cos you don't think of me often
How could I let you leave me?
Well, it's too late to stop you
And now I know that I spoke too soon
Seeing how fast you made moves
I want you so bad,
I want you back, but you're gone
All on my own I miss you
I know it's too late, can't handle the truth
I want you so bad,
I need you back, but you're gone
It should have been me all along
It should have been me everytime I closed my eyes
Yeah I can see, those times where I used to be
Well, oh God, it should have been me all along
Goodbye Sweet '16
Sunday, 1 January 2017 at January 01, 2017
20... 16...
It was bitter.
It was sad.
It was unhappy.
There were smiles.
There were frowns.
There were lies,
weighing 20/16 pounds.
1.25 pounds,
They were the ups and downs.
0.25, were the mistakes made,
1, was the lesson learnt to date.
I wasn't happy.
I wasn't sad.
I was just confused to the extent that it turned out bad.
The pain.
The heartbreak.
The embarrassment.
The mental ached.
Years and years,
I took 3 years?
3 years of self-destruction?
3 years of tears filled?
3 years of painful journey,
which I thought I got over with?
Reminded myself, I'm not 16, that teenage life is just ahead of me.
Time is ticking and it's ticking so quickly.
Make memories better than yesterday,
make all of it and future the best it could possibly be.
🙂
What we did is personal.
Tuesday, 18 October 2016 at October 18, 2016
No I'm not a liar
Just didn't know how to tell you the truth
All we need is time
We don't know why we do what we do
On a night like this, just don't know what I'm trying to prove
No it can't predict, the reasons why we do what we do
Yeah we do, what we do
When you fall in love, you can't help it when you act like a fool
When you look above, you see the reasons why we do what we do
Yeah we do, what we do
Now I'm wondering, they can tell that I've been crying all night
Cause I told myself I don't love you though I know it's a lie, cause I do
When you fall in love, you can't help it when you act like a fool
When you look above, you see the reasons why we do what we do
Ain't got a shot glass in my fist
Just spilling away all my business
Telling these strangers about you
I'm getting too personal with you
You've been running through my mind all day
Hear me out now, hear me baby
Cellophane
Monday, 17 October 2016 at October 17, 2016
140716
That night,
It is still bright in my mind.
Tortured and marred like one kind.
I am not forgiving and giving fucks of mine.
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
Look at me, I'm such a basket case
Delivered to you wrapped in cellophane
Waiting on your doorstep every day
Delivery, a basket filled with pain
Patience is your virtue, saint o’ mine
I’d have fallen through the cracks, without your love tonight
I’m your groundhog and I’m skating on thin ice
But you see me at your feet and carry me inside
Look at me I'm such a basket case
While I fall apart, you'll hide all my pills again
And all the things I need to hear you say
You’ll watch as all my thoughts get right back on the train
Can’t you see I’m wrapped in cellophane
Watch the blood pump through my veins
Electricity floods my brain
Can’t hide the pain, can’t hide the pain
When you’re wrapped in cellophane
Labels: #exactlyhowIfeel #fuckyouandyourmotherfuckinglife, #iknowyoutoo, #youknowimatrouble, Cellophane
Who You Are
Monday, 5 September 2016 at September 05, 2016
I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart
Tears don't mean your losing, everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould
The more I try, the less it's working
Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like woah
Just go and leave me alone
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight
With a smile, that's my home
That's my home, That's my own
A Dead Beat
Thursday, 25 August 2016 at August 25, 2016
I'm a dead beat now.
Work has been a week and now.
A work and rest day not like one now,
instead an exhausting one, like how?
Like I said I am too tired to entertain bullocks now,
Punchlines are no more like the punches, pow!
Done with those telepathic minds now?
Please stand, I will clap and you take a bow now!
Happy Birthday Mama
Wednesday, 17 August 2016 at August 17, 2016
The strongest lady I have ever known in my lifetime. August 16th was her birthday but I did wish personally yesterday! This post is one that I am keeping it for my own reference, not as to show my unconditional love for her publicly, or so to say, showing off.
She is not my idol. Neither is Amy. This lady here is my mother, the closest friend and a great teacher. Not forgetting my father too, hehehe, more on the pragmatic side. :) They add together and become me.
She fought through the hardships all alone when my father was absent for those few years, provided me all that I wanted and needed but I was still being a delinquent. I was on the right track during high school and after then, I suddenly steered off the road, so far away from civilisation, that brought me a lifetime full of regrets.
Everytime I felt alone, she knows. Everytime I feel sad and in a difficult situation, she knows, but she still let me go, cos she wants me to grow up and open my eyes to the real world. She wanted me to make the decisions all on my own. Sometimes, I heed her advices, sometimes I don't, and when I didn't, I fell deep into the ocean, I couldn't even float.
She told me once, "When a person is successful or triumphant, in this case, he/she would forget about the world; about the people who were there for them when they're in need. Never come running to me whenever you're in need again cos you have already forgotten where you came from..."
I am not that person but I came back crying to her. I am done and I don't want to break my parents' heart again.
Now, I am proudly happy that I am back on the right track and will forever be cos I am never going back again.
Just my loved ones and I, cos I only have them.
Selamat Hari Jadi Mama, semoga dipanjangkan umur, dimurahkan rezeki dan selalu di samping orang-orang tersayang!
#tobeabetterson #tobeabetterbrother #tobeabetterperson #August16th #nevertoolate #strongestladyIhaveeverknown
What's your story like?
Friday, 12 August 2016 at August 12, 2016
What's my story like?
You don't really have to care
Cos all of the bona fides
Aren't here to make you feel scared
Every day and every night
You need to say a little prayer
Cos some rodents and some naughty mites
Bite you out of the invisible air
Lauryn sings "Respect is just a minimum..."
My brother switched for spurs and saddles
This lady who cover hers is around spreading bread & butter
No one actually sense that faint presentiment
I wish we had never met
No point to think and regret
I can't pull this memory outta my head
Can I turn back time and your big head?
In the darkness, we will stand
I miss me, you and our mights
What are you doing now, man?
Well, what is your story like?
Shutting down
Tuesday, 2 August 2016 at August 02, 2016
Cont.
"Rodent Reduction"
That was on my mind.
Something that I am doing to shut it all down
and get rid of them in the meantime.
I get cheated.
I ain't trusting.
Clearly, I have trust issues here,
and all these shit ain't gon' be coming.
I'm done smoking and drinking, shy, cry and crying.
Pulling up in Chrysler 300 with its convertible.
I missed myself, coming around, thought I have stopped crying,
I told them all some things can get really personal.
Possibly, my tears dried up and then I got cheated.
I'm done with fakers, same for two faces.
Probably, I am keeping it all documented,
I ain't got time for some places and faces.
I'm too tired to entertain such shit,
Some are still trying and trying.
You know, I heard my teacher was saying something,
She said your bestfriend is your biggest enemy.
I have doubts.
I don't do pouts.
I climb these steps on my own,
so I can see the view from the top!
Checked and out!
😏
Who's Mufasa? Me!
Sunday, 31 July 2016 at July 31, 2016
2.
3.
4.
I don't wanna tell them again
I think you had this idea the weak was on par
But I'm in a higher tier, you're not in my class
If you wanna take it there then we can go fast
Got myself a rocket then I have a blast
Oh my gosh, skippy flows
That kind of have you on your tippy toes
That kind that makes you wanna let your whole city know
Punchlines even with a drippy nose
Labels: Mufasa by Nadia Rose. #Mufasa #NadiaRose
The Rodent Reduction
Thursday, 28 July 2016 at July 28, 2016
I came across the term 'Rodent Reduction' today.
It came just at about the right time for me to name what it is going on with my life now.
That is, I am doing a rodent reduction.
It has been really rough for me, all these years and earlier this year.
It has fucked me up and down and sideways.
What I thought was it is all something for me to learn...
but it turned out like one accident after another on the motorway.
When you've got the authority fucking you up just like a rabbit,
that is probably the best idea to fuck back with the authority.
Too hard to even understand that no one exactly understood the whole shit, that probably it was me on the social media cruising my boat for the life I would be seeking.
It could be me and it could be possible that it's not me. Give you the benefit of doubts you need.
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
5 4 5 4 5 4 5 4 5
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
This is for once and for all.
I am just happy to say that I am way, way, way happier now and may I take a bow...
I am proud to say that I am happy now!
☺
The Fool I was talking to
Wednesday, 13 July 2016 at July 13, 2016
Some things need to get through and some things don't need to,
A word doesn't describe my relationship status with you.
Acquantaince, colleague, friend, bestfriend, babe or baby,
I give my love equally and exceptionally, different to my deity and family.
"Imma forgive, I never forget but Imma dead the issue..."
How do I get to know about it you don't have a clue...
You played so well, too easy, well, why not I play it along with you,
You blocked, put a stop, now probably you are the certified fool.
I have my limits.
If you test it, you gon be tasting it!
Labels: Pills and Potions by Nicki Minaj. #PillsAndPotions #NickiMinaj
I am me once more
Sunday, 26 June 2016 at June 26, 2016
No, I really don't think so
That you think I'd be capable of being on my own
No, I really don't think so
That I would for a second let you back in through my door
I have spent many nights
Even when, you were by my side
I shed tears I couldn't dry
I shed tears I couldn't dry
But I should thank you for
Taking my blindfold off
Now I ain't jaded no more, no more
And I take pride to be the one that say goodbye
That could only mean
I am me once more
You would turn your head the other way
So you won't have to listen to what I had to say
You assume that I needed you
But you didn't realise that
I needed no one but myself
I needed no one but myself
But I should thank you for
Taking my blindfold off
Now I ain't jaded no more, no more
And I take pride to be the one that say goodbye
That could only mean
I am me once more
Labels: I Am Me Once More by Zee Avi. #ZeeAvi
Be considerate to consideration.
Tuesday, 14 June 2016 at June 14, 2016
Let me cover your shit in glitter
I could make it gold
... ... Baby,
Word on the street, you run it low lately
I needed you to please give my reflection a break
From the face it's seeing now
Darling, would you mind giving my reflection a break from the pain it's feeling now?
When I look outside my window
I can't get no piece of mind
I got to do things my own way darling
You should just let me
Will you ever respect me?
No.
Do things my own way darling
You should just let me
Why you ain't ever let me grow?
Labels: Consideration by Rihanna and SZA. #Riri #SZA
Some people think they're just too good
Saturday, 4 June 2016 at June 04, 2016
"Some guys have all the luck
Some guys get all the breaks..."
- Rod Stewart
I don't "dress" to impress.
I don't test then make a mess.
If you think I dress to impress,
You are messing with the wrong kind of mess.
I am no good enough,
Always have been cos I'm not perfect.
If you think you're good enough,
That's the keyword you need to reflect.
If your motive is to let the world know,
Well, you really have done a poor job.
If your intentions are to make me flop,
You better prepare before you drop.
Start thinking about what you thought,
Good enough? Well, then take my spot!
😏
Climbing up the stairs as slow as I can
Monday, 16 May 2016 at May 16, 2016
No more sadness
No more tears
Ran out of liquid to tear
For the bear who perspires
From the forest of the hills
You can get four or tons of pills
I have four at the moment
And nothing more I would need
Every time Sun shines
I see the light to keep on moving
Even when there is no Sun
I see the light still coming towards me
I get tired like a normal human
And I am an ordinary human
It gets harder if negative issues are on your mind
Harder than the Rock that is frying your Lime
I live better now.
I could be happier now.
But I can't believe you sent me those emojis
And you're sending me to Tears now.
Fry the Brain, Fry the Day
Friday, 8 April 2016 at April 08, 2016
Everyday I thank the Almighty for giving me the chance to stay, to see another day
Even though I am still running around, not believing, no trust, I'm still frying the brain
I cheated myself again and again
None of us could see it at the end of the day
I cheated myself twice for the fate
If I don't see a day, let alone a date
Ninnyhammer
Saturday, 2 April 2016 at April 02, 2016
I was still in the line when you cut in and be part of the queue
I had forgotten that you are still referring me as the fool
I knew as quite
And quiet to lie
Cos I was sleeping with the jokers
I tried and tried
Too tired to try
As I am overshadowing the rulers
They said they know what it is called so far and as of now
You told me that now we are not a match and I fouled
Cold to think
Too cold to feel me out
Hot as hell
The hell? you're trying to figure out
Fears formed from faggots
Saturday, 19 March 2016 at March 19, 2016
How to start saying Hi to you?
How do I look fine to you?
You there? How are you doing?
How can I feel the same again
without me pretending someone I used to be?
My fears eat me up like Vultures waiting to make a sin
My guts are even smaller than it was used to be
What kind of devotion you are looking at and searching?
My love for queer teachings are no more on the same pitch
I get tensed and all stressed up when I fail
I feel everyday I am old and frail
I have these feelings I heard rumours and voices
I would be straining, thinking how do I text the addresses
I think alot like no one would do
I would be thinking about what should I do
I strive harder everyday to be so nice to people
But, they're telling me not to do things for these people
I should have listened and heed their advices
Cos they're the only ones who could see my sacrifices
Still the lost imp
Tuesday, 15 March 2016 at March 15, 2016
Hey and I am back again.
Feel refreshed but still itching in some senses.
Feeling invigorated to some, not menses.
"I am all good and great!" those were some of my answers.
It is genuine from my heart but fake to some people.
I still keep doing what I'm doing, but in mind, getting it all back again and gather together.
I am sober and highly anticipated.
I am still the lost imp in the universe.
Invigorated but itching
Thursday, 10 March 2016 at March 10, 2016
Been away
I'm back to life one or two ways
I could go on and on about myself
I can leave the premises by out of the gates
I miss the person I was
every now and then
I wasn't in a good frame
Neither was I a great pretend
Like on an Airplane
Everything is pressurized
Sometimes, I would stare in blank spaces
and it will all be mesmerized
Funny to think that I won't be going back to that track
Even funnier if we are spending on the black track
What could go wrong if I am on the mend?
There is that one bit in my mind that says it will be a crack
I don't like to be compared to some other person
I don't like my moves to be watched and judged
You think you're so good for some reason
I don't do things you do, I just do mine
I am fucking aware of what's happening around me
I am even vigilant when you're whispering
Maybe you should learn to say it to my face
I am not like you, going around and put on a face
Possibly, time is running out to be cool
I don't act to be cool cos I have my time
Cos' I didn't learn what you did in school
Importantly, I'm not like you, I don't mime
Some pain is a no gain
Wednesday, 10 February 2016 at February 10, 2016
I am the pain when I get the pain
I feel the pain when I am the pain
What is the same thing about this is that
I am in the masquerade party
I am the pain when I get the pain
I feel the pain, again and again
What is the same thing about this is that
I am one of the fallen enemy
Not the same pain, no gain
Miss the old pain, regrets in vain
When you are indecisive and in guilt,
Some pain that you need shouldn't be needed.
16 days till I am a bird set free
Bird Set Free
Tuesday, 2 February 2016 at February 02, 2016
But there's a scream inside that we all try to hide
We hold on so tight, we cannot deny
Eats us alive, oh it eats us alive
Yes, there's a scream inside that we all try to hide
We hold on so tight, but I don't wanna die, no
I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die
Labels: Bird Set Free by Sia. #Sia #ThisIsActing
The End
Sunday, 3 January 2016 at January 03, 2016
There was a time when I thought I couldn't live without you
You were my truth in those days, you were the only one I knew
You were my heart and my soul, I gave my all to you
You had been weak in my mind, I knew that was true
Do you still feel the same when I call?
Do you give a damn if I fall?
Do you still believe in our world,
still believe in our love?
It's so easy to play, so easy to say
I wish I knew how to pretend
So when we meet again
We'll be best of friends
Got a feeling that this is the end
Now this is the end
Labels: The End by Franky Rizardo and Tess Leah. #FrankyRizardo #TessLeah # TheEnd
Irenic
Tuesday, 22 December 2015 at December 22, 2015
Emancipate yourself
Brace it all yourself
Don't care about anybody else
Take shelter for yourself
I am happier now and you know that
Full gear now but I almost fall back
I occupy myself with work and work
I'm not happier yet and you know that
I've always wanted to be happy with you
But all I would say is "How could you?"
We would be looking for us when we need
I would think, "How ironic?"
You would say, "This is just irenic..."
Jealous
Wednesday, 16 December 2015 at December 16, 2015
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back
Tell me, all you found was heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say
I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
Labels: Jealous by Labrinth. #Jealous # Labrinth
Good to know when you know you're a no good
Monday, 14 December 2015 at December 14, 2015
We cry when we get lonely, 'fore there is no happiness
We're stressed out for other people for no good reason
We'll be friends when we share our tears with our acquaintance
Just like how life is uncertain
Never expect the best out of a person
We are human with flaws
With claws to fight the war
To leave and surrender is a little too soon
But why you're so good when you're a no good
I've seen too many spills
I take four pills to keep it going
For whatever the reason for you not to know
All the reasons are here in case if you need
I don't go to parties, like secret kind of parties
I don't support the triangular kind of meetings
I just live to live, I don't live to please
I live for my Almighty, friends and family
Take those morphines later in the night
Wake up in the morning like you had a fight
Feeling like you've been beaten up, but keep this in mind
That you're the beast and you're looking all fine
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
I am not here for people to like or to hate me
I live for my own, on my own, for little bit of me
Do stay, I pray, every night and day for our well-being
I live by these words though I know it takes time and it still ticking
A little thrill that doesn't fill
Wednesday, 2 December 2015 at December 02, 2015
Hey Baja, how's it goin?
I said Hi to you
Just got to know you're not playing
While I'm on an adventure around the world
You're not there, you were sleeping
I have embarked on this new journey
Whether for the worst or seriously
I will not be looking back and steer
What kind of thrill do you get out of it?
Is it the thriller scene or Friday the 13th?
I have put it away, not looking at it
You start to creep when the city starts to sleep
There is no thrill in whatever that you think
It is the thrill that you get out of it
The thrill, I wouldn't be cutting my wrists
They're not thrills, they are tiredness
I Was Young
Thursday, 29 October 2015 at October 29, 2015
I was so young
When you left me
I was so young
When you came for me
I was the boy
You pledged and you preached
I was the boy
You thought I was him
We decided on the neg-activities
Before soliciting in all of the cities
We were forawhile when we were one
We were collecting our sins
You run away with me
You took my hands promised me it will all be okay
I ran away with you
Didn't think that we live again to see another day
We ran away together
Not like forever, the ones you like or love will stay
Leaving whenever I need to leave
I will live for as old as I want to be
You can time my lifetime with your lies
Cos my destiny is in the hands of the Almighty
I don't owe you a cent, I don't have to pay
You can keep all of your money, I won't listen to what you say
I won't teach the bitch on how to take your crown
Cos I don't give a fuck about bowing down
I've seen the richest
I have seen the life of the poorest
Go ahead if you think you're through
I repeat, I don't bow to a barghest like you
You thought for who was hung
I thought me, I was young
I am not the friend in need
Monday, 5 October 2015 at October 05, 2015
I left you
I left all of our memories
Soon as I walked out of the gates
You did not stop me
Remember those times when we were hating
They were jealous, they were talking
I told myself I would never do it again
But it keeps coming and haunting me
What is left here right here with me
Nothing but all the regrets, itching
You left me
You led our memories in
Before you saved me, I was in liquid state
I did all the things
Forever those times will be with me
It churns all of my guts and naivety
You told me once before I should open my eyes
Look and turn 360 and start picking
What had happened was a blessing in disguise
Why you, the devil that I believed in?
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
Yesterday's news is today's Fish and Chips'
The Chips are fried and they are in deep
The Fish is waiting and the man is dreaming
The man is me, I am not a friend indeed.
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
:((
Can I just tell you how we met, again?
Monday, 28 September 2015 at September 28, 2015
How did we meet again? I am just talking about you
I am talking about you, me and us
Well, we were blazing like the Sun
I got you, brought you all that you needed
Are you really going to ask for another feed?
What's the point if u're already hooked by another lady?
..... .... ..... .... ..... .... ..... .... .....
'A Fly' is ur name,
random games and messages, and you're tamed.
What were the house rules you made?
They weren't the same as what you played.
Fly, you're leaving before the two jerks came in
I was in the corner, thinking and contemplating
Markussy stroked his with just one hand,
and he got his game on the other handy.
I am standing here on the parapet
You screaming behind me, "Baby, are you sure?"
"Baby, my life is complicated"
Don't you complicate it anymore
Please scream till the cow comes home,
Please leave me here all alone.
Crisps of the lies a little too far,
Phone other planets in the solar system
A little talk, too much of it is Bipolar,
You can put me out for a post-mortem.
You want to know what I've been through,
You want to know what lives through,
You want to know what is true,
Do you want to know what is Blue?
Pulling up my socks, I'm telling them I quit
Well, all I did was I told them lies,
But when I did all that I did,
They think I fuck around behind those smiles.
They see it all lies, some have gone too far
I've cheated others and I've been cheated on,
I have cheated myself, marred from the scars
No time for us to think, we just move along.
Some people think it is just about you and me
Some others would feel it uncomfortably,
Several others are still thinking and thinking
At the end of the day, you can still kill me.
This is not any other song's lyrics,
but this is just something for real.
Please scream till the cow comes home
Please leave me here all alone
If you think of me uncomfortably,
please feel free to kill me.
How did we meet?
Wednesday, 23 September 2015 at September 23, 2015
Since I've come on home, well, my body's been a mess
And I've missed your Ginger hair and the way you like to dress
..... ... ..... ... ..... ... ..... ... .....
How we met? I'm talking about two of you
I am talking about you, me and us
And we were blazing like the Sun
I got you, brought you all that you needed
By the time, you wanted another feed
I was hooked with another type of lady
I Will Wake Up Again
Sunday, 20 September 2015 at September 20, 2015
I'm tired of your messages
I think I died on Saturday
You eat Salads, I ate Sausages
We get near not cos we're gay
You need to know what you're having
What diet you're on, what is that?
I've told you mine, million dollar man
I don't need too much, what's it Dad?
Maybe you need another man
Certainly, not me, man
Maybe you need a joy for awhile
Well, hey, it is not me, man
How did we meet, A Fly, that's your name?
We went downstairs, I drank Milk, you had eggs
Your story is on the other chapter
I will type it out once I wake up again
You're trying too hard to cry
Saturday, 29 August 2015 at August 29, 2015
I did it all for you
This is what I get from you?
You can cry till you cry blood out
Can you sit still or need your mouth shut?
I don't have to tell what is next for us
Cos you only want the time to pass fast!
You think you are my J?
Sunday, 23 August 2015 at August 23, 2015
J a-p-a-n, Japan
That's where in the world I would go
J a-p-a-n, Japan
That's where I would point my little bow
You're the accomplice, you tried too hard
to run and you chased for the trash
You know the police is chasing you from the part you started cleaning up the mess
You run away to J-a-p-a-n,
What for, why for, you run to J-a-p-a-n?
J is your name, and that is your game?
I only played what's free in the box and then I would win for a game,
Well, Lee is my name and I have long, like a train, and then you dumped me so easily for a change?
You can start to feel free...
to run away to J-a-p-a-n,
What for, fuck you for the time to J-a-p-a-n
Start to feel dizzy from the Diddy
You put in and drink up like a man...
Stop and feel free, throw up all the shit
Feel like one, like you're back on the mend
Another One Bites The Dust
Sunday, 14 June 2015 at June 14, 2015
And I will stay up through the night
Let's be clear, won't close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I'll walk through fire to save my life
And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It's hard to lose a chosen one Labels: Elastic Heart by Sia. #ElasticHeart #Sia #1000FormsOfFear
Straight For The Knife
Thursday, 11 June 2015 at June 11, 2015
Put on my best dress, I wanted to impress
I put a little makeup on
Put a bow in my hair, wore pretty underwear
Hoping you might take it off
Don’t know your etiquette but
I’m strapped to my chair, and it ain’t cuz you're pretty
You were charming, until
You saw your chance to kill, your chance to make history
You went straight for the knife
And I prepared to die, your blade, it shines
Looked me straight in the eye
You turned the gas on high
Held the flame alight
You wonder why I'm scared of fire
You wonder why you make girls cry
My mascara a mess, harsh words for your princess
Boy, you and your promises
If your goal was to love, you scored an epic miss
Now you'll just have memories
Boy, you draw me back in
Hungry for your bad loving
But will someone find me swinging from the rafters
From hanging on your every word
You wonder why you make girls cry
From Me, Two and All.
Saturday, 2 May 2015 at May 02, 2015
People write songs not for the trouble and all of the tragedies..
People write for whatever they like then it all come as memories.
One like two of us might be far from our own enemies..
One or rather the two of us missed each other's kisses.
I am tired from all the questions for a little short, not long..
I won't be seeing you, I would be loving you just like a love song.
We are the People; you decide...
Tuesday, 28 April 2015 at April 28, 2015
People write songs not for the trouble and all of the tragedies...
People write whatever they like then it all come as memories...
Thank you.
Tuesday, 10 March 2015 at March 10, 2015
"Thank you. Whether or not, are we happy with our lives now, I think we should still keep living it. I dont know whether I am happy or not, but I definitely felt relieved forawhile because for that moment, I made the choice. Too little though not too late, too much torment and that caused pain.
Ive said too many sorries. I definitely need not explain the situation. Please start to feel free to leave me alone.
I wish you all the best, mate."
😕
☺
Stars in my eyes
Monday, 9 March 2015 at March 09, 2015
I just miss me. :(
I miss myself.
I told myself I'm done and done but nope, I am still around.
I don't understand the fate behind these,
I don't see why the change is not drastic.
How am I not angry at myself?
What can you offer to help?
I hate when I am making hasty decisions, I hate it even more when there's pressure.
I will run my world like I have always did, ruining you and me into the world's deepest pit.
I hate you,
I hate me.
I don't miss you,
I miss me.
:(
Daddy
Tuesday, 18 November 2014 at November 18, 2014
He's out your system, yeah it took you a while
You got your family back and you got your smile
And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again
But friends keep telling you what he did last night
How many girls he kissed, how many he liked
And you try to remember that there's no way you could ever be friends
But now,
You're looking like you really like him, like him
And now you're feeling like you miss him, miss him
You're speaking like you really love him, love him
And now you're dancing like you need him, need him
Put it in your pocket, don't tell anyone I gave ya
It will be the one you run to, the one that saves ya
It could be your daddy daddy, if you take it gladly gladly
Daddy daddy
He kissed you on the lips and opened your eyes
You had to catch your breath, got such a surprise
And you almost forgot how it feels to live in his lie
He pulled you closer, said he'll never let go
You couldn't trust him, but you never said no
In that moment he made you forget how it feels when he's gone
Daddy daddy
(°°, )
Labels: Daddy by Emeli Sande. #Daddy #EmeliSande
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